The year that Alcohol stole my Easter morning tradition

by | Apr 24, 2023 | Healthy Habits

๐ˆ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐š ๐œ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ซ ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ก๐จ๐จ๐ ๐ฆ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ฒ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฒ๐ž๐š๐ซ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐€๐ฅ๐œ๐จ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ญ๐จ๐ฅ๐ž ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐„๐š๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ง๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง.
Itโ€™s both a memory that I hold dear and one that Iโ€™d love to erase at the same time.

And this is not about some whiny kid not getting her candy. This is a personal story about the generational impact of alcohol on families. What I wished I had known.

What I know to be true is that the negative ramifications from nights of partying parents are far-reaching & can rob children of more than just their holiday traditions.

And this is a bold statement that over time, a household that over-drinks can disrupt/distort the very foundation upon which children are meant to Thrive: impacting their safety, security, presence, affection, reassurance and consistency. And it happens more than we realize.

By all accounts, most parents I know are hardworking people, provide for their families and put food on the table. So for the parent that feels they โ€œdeserveโ€ the drink for all of their efforts, I totally get it; but this drink ticket is often disguised as a way to check out, de-stress & quiet the noise โ€” and since you canโ€™t selectively numb โ€” this thing you think is the answer also buys a one-way trip to being emotionally unavailable, low energy and eventually (and mostly subconsciously) absent &/or addicted.

And you never meant for ANY of this to happen! Marketing is tricky โ€” alcohol claims to be fun & sexy โ€ฆ and yet a night of over drinking is so freaking predictable with many nights ending up stressy & messy.

Marketing never shares โ€œthe rest of the storyโ€.

Today I share my own perspectives, being both the child of drinking parents and also the parent of a son that watched his mother drink.
For the latter is why I write this message.

Children are smart (& intuitive) and they remember EVERYTHING #nopressure #sorrynotsorry

Humbly I say, parenting is not for the faint of heart and neither is learning the truth about alcohol and itโ€™s rippling family effects.

So youโ€™d think that after raising some pre-teen hell with my Mum that Easter morning, swearing that โ€œIโ€™d never do this to my kids!โ€ that I would ever pick up a drink?! Not true! My drinking โ€˜innocentlyโ€™ escalated over the years from once in a while, to happy hours, to drinking at home on a regular basis.

I canโ€™t tell you when or how it happened.

I just know that No-One intends for any of this to happen!

Truthfully, and this is the case for SO many parents I know: I didnโ€™t know that over-consumption of alcohol would be a root cause of dysfunction in my home and the homes of many people I love so dearly.

๐‡๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™๐ฌ ๐ฐ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ˆ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐›๐ž ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฎ๐ž ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ค๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ข๐ง ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ค:
โ€ขKids pick up small clues & indicators in their environment when a parent drinks that causes them to formulate coping and protective mechanisms.
โ€ขThey learn to be on the defense.
โ€ขTheyโ€™ll make excuses for you & put more responsibility on themselves.
โ€ขTheir focus is on surviving (leaving little room for thriving).
โ€ขThese children are never 100% certain of what to expect so they unconsciously learn, early-on, survival behaviors like people pleasing and walking on eggshells so as not to rock the parentโ€™s boat.
โ€ขKids from drinking households grow up too fast.
โ€ขThey are over-achievers & can burn out (escalates into adulthood)
โ€ขKids from drinking households have a REAL fear of their parent or guardian dying (they can feel that youโ€™re irresponsible with your choices and thatโ€™s scary to them)
โ€ขAs a result, Kids from drinking households over-function in their future relationships and struggle with self-worth and self-esteemโ€ฆoften just like their parents.

โ€ฆand the cycle continues

This has been both my experience and my heart-felt message that things can be SO different.

๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ž ๐ข๐ฌ ๐š ๐ฉ๐จ๐ฌ๐ข๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฌ๐ข๐๐ž: ๐ˆ ๐ฐ๐š๐ง๐ญ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐Š๐ข๐๐ฌ ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐จ๐ฆ ๐๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐ค๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ก๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž๐ก๐จ๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐œ๐š๐ง ๐ญ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ง ๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐ž๐ญ๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ญ.
โ€ขTheir forced independence can serve them & they learn well by contrast.
โ€ขThey are resilient (kids are amazing and pretty resilient anyways).
โ€ขThey develop a beautiful capacity for compassion (afterall, theyโ€™re well-versed in giving compassion to the drinking parent)
โ€ขThey want NOTHING MORE than their parent to love themselves as much as they love them)
โ€ขThey are so freaking smart!
โ€ขAnd they are very forgiving to a parent who is clear and honest with them.
โ€ขThey wonโ€™t let you forget Family traditions
โ€ขITโ€™S NOT YOUR FAULT! But it is your responsibility

๐—ฃ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฎ๐—น๐—น๐˜†, ๐—œโ€™๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฐ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป๐˜€ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—บ๐˜† ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ป.

Kids from households that over-drink scratch their head & wonder, โ€œwho the heck is in control here?โ€

And hereโ€™s why my childhood Easter morning memory still holds dear to me โ€”

THE MOST important thing Iโ€™ve learned about alcohol and people with alcohol-use-disorder is that โ€œ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ปโ€ ๐—ถ๐˜€ ๐—ก๐—ข๐—ง ๐—•๐—ฅ๐—ข๐—ž๐—˜๐—ก.
We may have broken promises and come from โ€œbroken homesโ€ but the amazing people that make up these homes โ€”the parents that drinkโ€” are human, they love their family & they are NOT broken.

Alcohol is addictive to humans period. And it wasnโ€™t until I began to dive into the reasons why I drank and the beliefs that I had about alcohol that I was able to unravel the truth.
Alcohol lies.
It takes more than it gives.
I loved something that never loved me back (wine).

Itโ€™s possible to cut back and even completely change your desire. Thereโ€™s no room for judgement here; ONLY curiosity! Itโ€™s worth it to explore and experiment life without drinking.

๐ˆ๐Ÿ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎโ€™๐ซ๐ž ๐œ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ข๐จ๐ฎ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ง ๐ฆ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐›๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ค๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ž๐ฆ๐จ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐š๐ฅ ๐œ๐จ๐ง๐ง๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐š๐ฅ๐œ๐จ๐ก๐จ๐ฅ ๐ก๐š๐ฌ ๐จ๐ง ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ, ๐ฌ๐ž๐ง๐ ๐ฆ๐ž ๐š ๐๐Œ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ˆโ€™๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฌ๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ž ๐š๐›๐จ๐ฎ๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ง๐ž๐ฑ๐ญ ๐ ๐ซ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ ๐ซ๐š๐ฆ ๐จ๐ซ ๐Ÿ:๐Ÿ ๐จ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ

๐˜๐จ๐ฎโ€™๐ซ๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ญ๐ก ๐ข๐ญ! ๐ˆ ๐ฅ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ! Shelley xoxo


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Hey, there!

I’m Shelley, a business woman, a mom and a certified coach with This Naked Mind, providing a new way to look at sustainable behavior change when it comes to controlling food and/or alcohol that is both understandable and achievable.




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